A Parents View of a Missionary Child
April 2004
As parents of faith, we work to pass on the faith to our children.
Jesus says in Luke 8-8 "And some seeds fell on good ground,
and when it grew, it produced fruit a hundredfold." Parents
have the responsibly to sow the seeds of faith for our children.
However, the parable really shows us that the place where the
seed is planted has the most impact.
Our children have been graced by a church community of people,
who are true servants. They are the fertile ground. I have witnessed
this and give God credit for having them as nurturers. I recall
that when our children were growing and our family was in crisis,
it was our youth ministers (Paul and Teresa), and our pastor Fr.
Mike, and our community of believers that righted our course and
set our family on the right path.
As a parent we pray for God to be in the lives of our children.
The old adage: "Be careful of what you pray for, you may
get it".
Our third child and only daughter Katie graduated from college
with honors. She attained a degree in psychology and a second
in Spanish. Katie had studied in Spain for six months and fell
in love with the language and culture. During college she worked
as an intern with under privileged children and that became a
passion.
Upon graduation she informed us that she was looking into going
to Spain with an order of the church called Associate Missionaries
of the Assumption (AMA). She would have to pay for her insurance
and air-fare to get there and back, and they would provide a small
stipend and living quarters. She would contribute one year of
service. After she agreed to this the order had problems with
whether they could afford to keep the order in Spain going, so
they offered Bolivia as an alternate.
She asked and received funds from the Knights of Columbus for
the air-fare there, and they promised they would pay half and
help her get back.
As parents, we immediately became aware that this was a country
where, unlike Spain, there is constant turmoil between the haves
and have-nots in their society and the majority have very little.
Unlike the political system in the USA where we execute our politicians
at the ballot box, their culture since she arrived has used strikes
and riots to overthrow the government. Needless to say Mom and
Dad got what we prayed for, a young girl that sets her sights
on God's work and lets nothing slow her in pursuit of that goal.
Remember, "Be careful what you pray for." We got it.
In August of 2003 she flew to Miami where she was to get on a
connecting flight to Bolivia. Things started off on the wrong
footing and her flight was cancelled and she and several other
passengers were stranded in Miami for 38 hours. Told to remain
in their hotel rooms. Upon arrival in Cochabamba she was stressed
from the trip and along with the altitude of 11,400 feet, Katie
suffered a bad case of altitude sickness.
For the next few months she started enjoying all the wonders
of South America. She had dysentery, amoeba's, intestinal infection,
and lice (4 times).
Not to limit her experience only to the local illnesses, Katie
and the other missionaries were asked to stay in their rooms for
a week while the workers were rioting against their elected president.
The country has two export items of value: one is natural gas
that the president wanted to sell to the USA and Chile, and the
other is Coca leaves which cocaine made from. The workers wanted
the natural gas to stay there for the poor.
The president was forced from office and was accepted in the
USA. This did not encourage Bolivians to like us.
Katie settled down to work as she adapted to the surroundings.
She was working with girls in the women's shelter. They were there
for assorted reasons: drugs, parents who could not afford them,
health, homelessness, abused. These were young girls with issues.
They would attend classes during the morning and Katie would tutor
them in the afternoon and befriend them.
We started hearing stories of how some of the girls left to go
back out onto the streets to be with a boy or become a prostitute.
Katie would call to just air out the issues with me and instead
of just listening I would get in my Dad mode and remind her that
she should have empathy not sympathy. Katie knew this from all
her training. She just needed to have someone to listen so she
could vent. From our perspective here, it was my concern that
she was in love with each of her girls and that could mean she
could not maintain her objectivity.
Katie said one of the girls named Sylvia needed to have heart
surgery, and because there is only one doctor that performs transplants,
it had been delayed twice.
My wife Norma and I planned to go visit in February or March
2004.
We had no trouble with our flight arrangements and we arrived
in La Paz, Bolivia at 7 AM. As we exited off the plane and onto
the tarmac, there were armed military on both sides of us as we
walked to the terminal.
The altitude was very difficult and we needed to get thought
customs and on to our next flight to Cochabamba. After lifting
one bag I nearly passed out. A porter helped us and we went directly
to a coffee stand and asked for Coca Tea. This speeds the heart
up so it can get blood to your brain and reduces the effects of
the altitude.
We boarded our flight again with military supervision. After
arriving at the Airport in Cochabamba the plane went to the end
of the runway and taxied back on the same runway. Again military
supervision and we saw our Katie waving at us from the second
level of the airport. A tall Irish girl does stand out.
We gathered our bags. Here I need to explain. We had 4 full sized
suitcases and 2 carry-on bags. Katie requested that we bring down
some warmer clothes, as they will be going into their winter,
although it seldom gets below 40 degrees F.
Also included were requested items for the girls. We purchased
items at the dollar stores, such as calculators, pencils, construction
paper, decks of playing cards, pens, pencils, shampoo, soaps,
hair clips, baseballs, kites, jewelry and from other stores, candies
(lots of candy), sun screen, and the list goes on.
People from church gave us items to take along for the kids,
including rosaries from Mary in the office. One man from our church
choir, Glenn, made small wooden crosses with a metal heart.
The youth minister Theresa purchased harmonicas and I was to
teach them how to play. Angela Chiappone, knitted bracelets for
all the girls. Norma and I kept our personal belongings in 2 full
cases. The remaining 4 bags were for the kids.
Back to the story: Katie quickly became the parent, as we could
not speak the language. She negotiated with taxi drivers, arguing
for the cheapest fare. She arranged for our hotel rooms, and ordered
our meals. Meals were particularly important, since we could not
eat any uncooked vegetables, salads, or fruits, due to the risk
of amoebas. The role reversal introduced us to our daughter who
was a responsible grown adult.
The little Spanish I knew allowed me to order cerveza (beer).
I had one at lunch the first day. Combined with the altitude I
became aware that one was more than enough. The beer is quite
good lager style, as many German's came over at the time of World
War II.
After resting, we went out that evening with two other girls
that Katie worked with. One was from Germany, and the other from
Calgary, Ontario.
The food is mostly white rice with French fried potatoes, meat
-either chicken or beef- with an egg. Quite good, but the meat
is pounded flat, called Silpancho. I referred to it as road kill.
We spent the next day being shown the town, being tourists, and
becoming more comfortable with the military and armed presence
of men in the streets, in front of our hotel, and just about everywhere.
When you have no tax base for social programs to help the bottom
2/3 of your society that is poor, the only thing government can
do is use military. Sad.
The next day we went to work with Katie. We met the girls, and
found that they cling to Katie, they long for her to talk to them
and be with them. They crave attention, but I got a sense that
they really love Katie as well as the nuns who are permanent staff
that care for them. That love was returned 10-fold. I had imagined
that the staff would be subdued and somewhat hardened to being
to close to the girls' neediness. That was not the case. These
women truly love these girls in act and deed. I asked Sister Theresa
(director of the house) if the fact that the Bolivian women carry
their young on their backs for such a long time creates a close
bond. She told me that the good news is that it does, and the
bad news is that it does.
The children have trouble developing independence. For example,
we must be careful how we correct them in solving math problems,
or they will shut down. They do not take being criticized well.
My wife and I had fun showing movies to the girls of where Katie
comes from, the family, and our house. The girls were concerned
that we did not have a wall around our home. There, they live
in compounds of high walls with barbed wire, or broken glass shards
on the top. Gates are heavily bared and secured. Once inside they
are in their own world or fortress.
Although we spent time stumbling over language, we had a good
time with these girls. I played the harmonica for them and they
made joy-filled noised with theirs. With a deck of cards I impressed
them with some old card tricks I knew. Norma teased them about
Katie and how she was as a young girl, although we were not sure
how Katie translated it.
With all the fun we had that day I walked away wishing that all
kids could have the childhood the children in our country have;
these girls miss being a kid. What gives hope is the knowledge
of how the church helps in foreign lands, and that the missionaries
provide unconditional love for these young people, not knowing
if it will be returned, risking rejection and pain, but only giving
without expectation. I have the sense that they know that what
the Lord said is true, that when you give you receive more in
return.
I will have to re-evaluate the empathy-not- sympathy psychology.
The closeness that these women have with these girls leaves them
open to be hurt when a girl leaves for the streets, but it is
that closeness that saves the many that stay.
We have many other stories of this trip, some about the compound
where Katie lives, which is the orphanage. The little ones there
love her also. Watching 14 little kids in child walkers is like
watching bumper cars. As we walk through, they yell "Papa"
after me. They want a dad, just like your kids have. They have
a clean well-managed facility with people that care for them,
but there is no substitute for a Mom and a Dad.
Norma and I feel better about Katie and the risk she is taking.
I said to her that I wish she were more cautious, especially on
the streets. Her response was that she refuses to have a victim
mentality, as those who do become victims.
Truly our daughter has qualities that she developed because of
the soil in which she was planted in.
As we left Bolivia we found it a hard yet fascinating country
with people that are easy to love and that love our daughter.
We fell more comfort in her being there and pride in the work
she , and the others have committed themselves to. I know that
we cannot earn salvation; that it is only by Jesus' mercy and
grace. However, I believe that for some, upon entering heaven,
there will be pearls for those that did the Lord's work.
I humbly pray the words of St. Patrick for all missionaries:
May the Lord be above you to inspire you
Beneath you to support you
Behind you to protect you
In front of you to guide you
And always by your side as your companion
Dan O'Neill
Algonquin, Illinois
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